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Post by guest64 on Apr 27, 2014 6:58:21 GMT -6
My daughter plays on a U14 girl’s team. We are one of those teams that are a true Comp 3 and have been getting beat pretty soundly in the state cup this weekend. She is actually playing up 2 years because there is not enough interest in our area to field a girl’s team for each age group (she should be U12). She LOVES the game of soccer, it is her passion! For her age I think she's pretty good. This weekend though, she said after our second whipping of the day “next year I just want to play U13” in a very despondent tone. I have been encouraging, supportive, mentoring and a loving parent but I’ve run out of answers for her. A majority of the girls on the team are U13 this year. Our club played U14 in order to allow a couple older girls to play and develop them as well. Some parents have been disappointed in the direction our club took but I am not one of them and I know I was not alone. We tend to be the quiet ones, the ones who don’t sit next to the complainers. When do parents realize that their kids feed off the negativity they expound? Their negativity, from the BEGINNING of the season, put our first coach in a no win situation. You would think that after the team has been selected during that first meeting there would be excitement. NO, the complaining began during the initial meeting! It didn’t even take a single practice, just complain, complain, oh and complain. Some of the girls fed off the constant negativity of our parents and our effort went down the tubes. Our effort has been brought up with when our DOC took over this spring. I have been and will continue to be supportive of our club. They have more experience and know more about soccer than I do, but I am still the one who has a dejected 12 year old who cannot find fun in the game right now. It is difficult to keep motivating her as it is and on top of that she hears her own teams parents whine and complain, not just during game time but also after training sessions. Parents, the players can hear you and after a while start practicing what they are being preached! Hopefully this upcoming time away from the game will heal her spirits and motivate her. We are not even through with the season yet and I got an email about tryouts coming up in less than 2 months (yea??) I haven’t mentioned that to her.
I know my situation is not unique.
Suggestions?
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Post by laffysoccermom on Apr 27, 2014 7:24:21 GMT -6
Check your PM
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Post by time2retire on Apr 29, 2014 9:40:50 GMT -6
Why not call a "meeting" of sorts with your fellow parents while your girls are practicing and say the same thing to them? I know you don't want to come across as confrontational but this might need to be the very thing that they need to hear.
Also (and please don't take this the wrong way) it seems like your daughter is telling you she wants to take a step back, why not honor her request? Maybe a season of rec or in-house at her age level?
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Post by guest64 on Apr 29, 2014 10:47:40 GMT -6
My feelings about how some parents acted were addressed by another parent at a meeting (that I was unable to attend) this spring, but by then the damage was done. The parents have heard, now what they do, that will be up to them.
Second point, my thoughts exactly and that is being seriously considered (not taken the wrong way). I just like the technicial training she gets at the competitive level(and she does too) that she will miss out on. At that age our numbers drop significantly at the rec. level.
I would like to see a different tier where a player could maybe just train and not be on the roster. They could then guest play if there are roster issues by the club for a game or tournament and the team needs an extra body on the bench. The coaches like her and she plays significant minutes. I've been very proud of her this year. I'm sure she'll be ready to go after a break from the game. If not, I have NO problems taking a break! I'll speak to the DOC and see. I know this will even out in a year or two after she develops more physically and emotionally. These are formative years for kids in many ways.
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Post by laffysoccermom on Apr 29, 2014 11:55:42 GMT -6
I would definitely talk to your DOC about what is going on.
Mainly about your daughter's feelings and see what plans are for the next year. I think there are growing pains for any first year competitive team.
Parents think a winning rec team will translate in a winning competitive team or their starter on a rec team will start on the competitive team.
Having a majority of your players being younger makes it more difficult as well. Unfortunately there are no easy answers.
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Post by Antimatter on Apr 29, 2014 12:06:23 GMT -6
The best thing that ever happened to my daughter was stepping back a level after a bad u12 year on a premier team. It was not bad due to coaching or the club but just to circumstance. She ended up in u13 on a struggling c2-c3 team with barely enough players to field 11. She played nearly every minute of every game nad got her confidence back. THis team got clobbered on the field but had a great coach who used the season to make his players who were interested in improving into better soccer players. This season she started on her c1 club team and on her high school varsity as an 8th grader.
Like LaffySoccerMom says, talk to the DOC. If everyone has an honest conversation you can figure out the direction that will make your daughter happy and a better soccer player.
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Post by time2retire on Apr 29, 2014 15:06:30 GMT -6
The best thing that ever happened to my daughter was stepping back a level after a bad u12 year on a premier team. It was not bad due to coaching or the club but just to circumstance. She ended up in u13 on a struggling c2-c3 team with barely enough players to field 11. She played nearly every minute of every game nad got her confidence back. THis team got clobbered on the field but had a great coach who used the season to make his players who were interested in improving into better soccer players. This season she started on her c1 club team and on her high school varsity as an 8th grader. Like LaffySoccerMom says, talk to the DOC. If everyone has an honest conversation you can figure out the direction that will make your daughter happy and a better soccer player. She doesn't happen to play for Episcopal does she? Playing 5 years varsity?
(Bad joke)
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Post by miraddydad on Apr 30, 2014 19:59:55 GMT -6
First, talk to her coach. My daughter had a coach that "got" her. When she was struggling and ready to hang it up, he was able to help her through it. Perhaps her coach can spend a little one on one time with her.
We also tried to keep her focused on doing HER best and trying to worry less about what else was happening with her team. Letting her know that things can and will get better can be beneficial.
And finally, playing up two years at that age can be tough on them emotionally, especially if they're not winning. Sounds like you're headed the right direction in your thinking with constant encouragement. Playing in her own age group might turn things around for her.
Take her to tryouts. Trying out is not a commitment. Then you'll have some time to make a decision.
And good luck. When it comes down to it, NOBODY is more concerned about your child's well-being than you are. You know her better than anybody else that will be dealing with her.
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