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Post by sbkicksfan on Mar 1, 2024 9:19:11 GMT -6
I wanted to get some opinions on this. My son is a player for our local HS team and has been it started just a few years ago. He has had some success on the field and has helped his team gain more success each season (team started 3 years ago). He’s got some interest from some colleges for playing beyond soccer via camps/showcases but he’s discouraged because he feels the coach doesn’t encourage him or value his play. More comments are made about bad plays or mistakes than anything he does good. He has one coach telling him one thing and the head coach telling him another, so he gets confused when he’s doing things in the field only to be chastised or even pulled for doing the very thing he’s told to try and do. He’s a sophomore now, and he’s dedicated to offseason goals and trading, but he’s greatly discouraged because the options for travel near us are limited (I’m recovering from surgeries from car accident) and financially it’s a challenge because I have a son in college, one that’s senior, and a freshman who’s in basketball. I want to help him get the training he needs, but I also know the value of playing with/against higher caliber players will help him get better. He’s the kicker for our varsity football team and they are eagerly pursuing him to do so this fall, but my son wished his soccer coach would encourage him the same way the football coaches are. He kicked last year and did well, and wasn’t going to return, focus all on soccer, but the football coaches have begged him to come back, accommodating him to the point he doesn’t have to do football workouts like others, simply show up for kick practice then be dismissed to soccer workouts. He feels the football team wants him more than his soccer team. He went to a D1 camp last summer and performed very well, with the coaches pleased and encouraging, came back and was on fire, but the season wore on him with the the things I talked about above. He is not looking for favoritism, looking to be placed on a pedestal, he just wants his own coach to believe in him and encourage him. He wants to do whatever he can to help the team succeed (primarily Attacking Mid but moved to Def Mid as well as played wing, striker and even defender). Moving all over the field he still managed to lead or tie in team goals with 15 (there’s still some clarification needed), and they made it to the playoffs, but he still feels discouraged. When he shared his thoughts the other day, he was down and confused, even after being named 1st team All-District, a goal he had this year after being 2nd Team last year and Freshman All-State. Just wanted to get some feedback on how I can help him navigate. Thanks in advance
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Post by coachnyman on Mar 1, 2024 12:24:54 GMT -6
Not this advice is worth much, but here’s a comment from the peanut gallery: Sit him down & help him create a plan he can commit to. He has to commit to the plan before doing anything. Make sure it’s something he finds the most joy in doing.
Plan can be 3,5, or 7 years long. Make sure it’s malleable enough to make changes when it fits but also one that has a clear objective.
Then, have him decide. There’s only one way to find out, and it’s to do it.
In terms of getting noticed for soccer, playing against higher caliber teams/opps is the best bet. Look for ID camps in the summer time he can go to. Plenty of JUCO colleges do that along with D2 & D3.
I’m sure most of that is nothing you haven’t thought of or heard before.
Good luck & God bless.
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Post by bryan on Mar 1, 2024 12:41:54 GMT -6
If he has college aspirations, play against the best opponents you can ( club soccer)
Get realistic feedback on his skill level as far as college. D1 or bust is junk.... 99.9% of players that play in college end in college. Find a school that's a great academic fit and one that he can actually play at.... Would you rather sit the bench a long time on say a D2-3 team or play a lot of minutes D3-juco.... If he has an idea of some schools, go to their camps vs a huge camp that may have 100 kids there. Because unless he's a stud among studs he's just another number and paycheck for the big camps....
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Post by bryan on Mar 1, 2024 12:42:45 GMT -6
If he has college aspirations, play against the best opponents you can ( club soccer) Get realistic feedback on his skill level as far as college. D1 or bust is junk.... 99.9% of players that play in college end in college. Find a school that's a great academic fit and one that he can actually play at.... Would you rather sit the bench a long time on say a D2-3 team or play a lot of minutes D3-juco.... If he has an idea of some schools, go to their camps vs a huge camp that may have 100 kids there. Because unless he's a stud among studs he's just another number and paycheck for the big camps.... And, just be an encouraging dad.
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Post by dme1214 on Mar 1, 2024 13:25:49 GMT -6
The advice given so far is good, def school first soccer second. I’d like to address the issues with the coach. He’s a sophomore about to be a junior, first step is on him.step 1. He goes to the coach for a sit down, asking what steps he needs to take to be a better player, teammate and cheerleader for the team. Step 2. Listen, take notes, ask questions about the feedback. DO NOT get defensive. Step 3. Discuss concerns about on season feedback being all corrective and not enough positive re-enforcement. Its most likely not just him (if it is then that’s a new level of bad coaching) Step 4. Discuss concerns of multiple coaching directives between coach and asst coach.
In 3 and 4 do not attack, be humble and frame in a way that shows your goal is the betterment of the TEAM, not just the player.
Then let it play out, if there is no improvement or even worse it gets harder on him, then you as the dad can repeat all the steps above with the coach.
In any meeting with the coach, it cannot be right after a game or after a heated event. A fully calm day away from all other curious eyes and ears.
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Post by sbkicksfan on Mar 1, 2024 15:19:35 GMT -6
I appreciate the advice and comments. I walked in and played D1 baseball way back when. I grew up and learned how to play all team sports with a team first attitude and that’s how I encourage my boys. My son has attempted to talk to the coach several times and has asked repeatedly if there were any issues or if there was a problem. When I asked what the coach’s reply was, he says “he didn’t say anything or said there wasn’t an issue”. When he was an 8th grader the program was in the first season and he played well. Most games were JV games, since that’s what we elevated to do. He had 10 goals for second on the team and scored our first ever hat trick. Funny thing is, he scored those 3 in the first 12 minutes of play, and then was benched the rest of the game. None of what he did was ball hogging, he intercepted a roll from the goalie and the other two were assisted by teammates. He was devastated because he didn’t know what he did wrong. Travel ball coaches never did that to him. He was coached by a local HS coach and learned so much from him, and now he feels lost. That coach would take him aside and teach him, sit him a bit, then let him back in. Now, he messes up, he’s pulled, sits for extended minutes with nothing said, then goes back in. Other players make huge mistakes, can’t move the ball and have little to no pitch IQ (not their fault, new Public school program with bodies), yet the coach is harder in him than all the others. He isnt limited to plying D1, he is well aware there are great schools in D2, D3 etc. his dream is to ply D1, not mine. I know how hard collegiate athletics are, and I focus on school. His grades are very good and he’s very disciplined with his workouts, nutrition and all. When his coach found out he was asked to kick again, he literally told him “you have a better chance at college for kicking than soccer”. Who says that to one of their own players??? I want my son to be happy no matter what he does, college or not. It’s hard to see a kid with his potential wasting away. We were going to play travel ball this fall and he was excited, then he told me his HS coach was going to assist that team if he played. I want my son to be able to play away from the school or anyone associated with it (another player or so is fine). I want him to be able to play with a different, more knowledgeable voice in his ear. He wants to get better, and wants to be coached hard. He knows he has a lot of growing in the game and wants to, just wants to hear it in a constructive way, not destructive. My fear is he will forgo soccer and “go where he’s appreciated”. Whatever he chooses I supper him, and above all he’s my son and I’ll always be proud. Just don’t want to see him give up on his dreams he has had since 7th grade.
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jeremyryner
Bench Warmer
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Post by jeremyryner on Mar 1, 2024 15:47:16 GMT -6
I don’t know where you’re located, but there is usually some form of local athletic trainers that prep people for DI football. I know in the Lafourche area there’s a man named Earnest Harvey who runs Camp Moula, charging $10 a session. He really knows his stuff in terms of agility. He trains all disciplines; I’m sure there’s someone in your area who can do the same. Also if you have the resources, talk with a dietitian about his goals as he is at a pivotal time in terms of athletic growth. They will help create a plan that will allow him to better achieve his goals.
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Post by sbkicksfan on Mar 1, 2024 16:41:54 GMT -6
I also want to be clear that I want my son and his coach to have a great relationship. I want them both to enjoy each other and mutually benefit from each other. In no way at I upset at him. I want success for both.
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Post by skenn on Mar 1, 2024 17:39:51 GMT -6
I appreciate the advice and comments. I walked in and played D1 baseball way back when. I grew up and learned how to play all team sports with a team first attitude and that’s how I encourage my boys. My son has attempted to talk to the coach several times and has asked repeatedly if there were any issues or if there was a problem. When I asked what the coach’s reply was, he says “he didn’t say anything or said there wasn’t an issue”. When he was an 8th grader the program was in the first season and he played well. Most games were JV games, since that’s what we elevated to do. He had 10 goals for second on the team and scored our first ever hat trick. Funny thing is, he scored those 3 in the first 12 minutes of play, and then was benched the rest of the game. None of what he did was ball hogging, he intercepted a roll from the goalie and the other two were assisted by teammates. He was devastated because he didn’t know what he did wrong. Travel ball coaches never did that to him. He was coached by a local HS coach and learned so much from him, and now he feels lost. That coach would take him aside and teach him, sit him a bit, then let him back in. Now, he messes up, he’s pulled, sits for extended minutes with nothing said, then goes back in. Other players make huge mistakes, can’t move the ball and have little to no pitch IQ (not their fault, new Public school program with bodies), yet the coach is harder in him than all the others. He isnt limited to plying D1, he is well aware there are great schools in D2, D3 etc. his dream is to ply D1, not mine. I know how hard collegiate athletics are, and I focus on school. His grades are very good and he’s very disciplined with his workouts, nutrition and all. When his coach found out he was asked to kick again, he literally told him “you have a better chance at college for kicking than soccer”. Who says that to one of their own players??? I want my son to be happy no matter what he does, college or not. It’s hard to see a kid with his potential wasting away. We were going to play travel ball this fall and he was excited, then he told me his HS coach was going to assist that team if he played. I want my son to be able to play away from the school or anyone associated with it (another player or so is fine). I want him to be able to play with a different, more knowledgeable voice in his ear. He wants to get better, and wants to be coached hard. He knows he has a lot of growing in the game and wants to, just wants to hear it in a constructive way, not destructive. My fear is he will forgo soccer and “go where he’s appreciated”. Whatever he chooses I supper him, and above all he’s my son and I’ll always be proud. Just don’t want to see him give up on his dreams he has had since 7th grade. Stop worrying about college soccer. Have fun watching the kid play. The coach was honest about college soccer, you just didn’t like the answer. He is much more likely to get a kicking scholarship. Especially if he hasn’t been playing club since he was 10. Stop STAT counting. It does no good. All competition is not the same. Looking at the team and competition your son is playing, I would stop worry about the things you are focused on and just enjoy the ride. That is probably leading to a lot of the friction between your son and the coach. And honestly, doing it on here is definitely not best for your son.
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Post by sbkicksfan on Mar 1, 2024 18:03:27 GMT -6
First of I appreciate your honesty, but second I don’t care about college soccer. I care about my son. His dream is to play soccer beyond high school and I want to support that as best I can, but while in HS help him enjoy playing HS soccer. There’s not a lot of people to lean on around here that actually know soccer, so asking this board is one way to get some good advice. I don’t have an issue with the coach. And frankly if any coach gets butt hurt over a parent getting advice on how to help make their kid a better player AND build the relationship between the two, they have zero business being a coach. Any parent here would move Heaven and earth to help their kid. That’s what I’m doing. I’ve got some good advice here and I will take it all in and point my son into the right direction of sitting down and talking to the coach to keep everything as positive for both. He needs to solve it, and navigate it, and getting advice from those of you who’ve been around longer is welcomed. I want to to succeed in anything he wants - school first then sports - and he has so far. He did play travel since 10 by the way. He started talking beyond HS in 7th grade.
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Post by sbkicksfan on Mar 1, 2024 18:03:51 GMT -6
I appreciate the advice and comments. I walked in and played D1 baseball way back when. I grew up and learned how to play all team sports with a team first attitude and that’s how I encourage my boys. My son has attempted to talk to the coach several times and has asked repeatedly if there were any issues or if there was a problem. When I asked what the coach’s reply was, he says “he didn’t say anything or said there wasn’t an issue”. When he was an 8th grader the program was in the first season and he played well. Most games were JV games, since that’s what we elevated to do. He had 10 goals for second on the team and scored our first ever hat trick. Funny thing is, he scored those 3 in the first 12 minutes of play, and then was benched the rest of the game. None of what he did was ball hogging, he intercepted a roll from the goalie and the other two were assisted by teammates. He was devastated because he didn’t know what he did wrong. Travel ball coaches never did that to him. He was coached by a local HS coach and learned so much from him, and now he feels lost. That coach would take him aside and teach him, sit him a bit, then let him back in. Now, he messes up, he’s pulled, sits for extended minutes with nothing said, then goes back in. Other players make huge mistakes, can’t move the ball and have little to no pitch IQ (not their fault, new Public school program with bodies), yet the coach is harder in him than all the others. He isnt limited to plying D1, he is well aware there are great schools in D2, D3 etc. his dream is to ply D1, not mine. I know how hard collegiate athletics are, and I focus on school. His grades are very good and he’s very disciplined with his workouts, nutrition and all. When his coach found out he was asked to kick again, he literally told him “you have a better chance at college for kicking than soccer”. Who says that to one of their own players??? I want my son to be happy no matter what he does, college or not. It’s hard to see a kid with his potential wasting away. We were going to play travel ball this fall and he was excited, then he told me his HS coach was going to assist that team if he played. I want my son to be able to play away from the school or anyone associated with it (another player or so is fine). I want him to be able to play with a different, more knowledgeable voice in his ear. He wants to get better, and wants to be coached hard. He knows he has a lot of growing in the game and wants to, just wants to hear it in a constructive way, not destructive. My fear is he will forgo soccer and “go where he’s appreciated”. Whatever he chooses I supper him, and above all he’s my son and I’ll always be proud. Just don’t want to see him give up on his dreams he has had since 7th grade. Stop worrying about college soccer. Have fun watching the kid play. The coach was honest about college soccer, you just didn’t like the answer. He is much more likely to get a kicking scholarship. Especially if he hasn’t been playing club since he was 10. Stop STAT counting. It does no good. All competition is not the same. Looking at the team and competition your son is playing, I would stop worry about the things you are focused on and just enjoy the ride. That is probably leading to a lot of the friction between your son and the coach. And honestly, doing it on here is definitely not best for your son.
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Post by sbkicksfan on Mar 1, 2024 18:05:15 GMT -6
Stop worrying about college soccer. Have fun watching the kid play. The coach was honest about college soccer, you just didn’t like the answer. He is much more likely to get a kicking scholarship. Especially if he hasn’t been playing club since he was 10. Stop STAT counting. It does no good. All competition is not the same. Looking at the team and competition your son is playing, I would stop worry about the things you are focused on and just enjoy the ride. That is probably leading to a lot of the friction between your son and the coach. And honestly, doing it on here is definitely not best for your son. For the record, this coach has only coached for a short time and not put any kid in college, so for him to say who can and can’t play soccer in college, much less football, is way off base.
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Post by cityzensfan on Mar 2, 2024 8:35:20 GMT -6
“ When he shared his thoughts the other day, he was down and confused, even after being named 1st team All-District, a goal he had this year after being 2nd Team last year and Freshman All-State.”
My experience is if he made all those teams as a freshman and sophomore, then his coach likes him as a player. When all-district teams and other teams are chosen the head coach’s input is valued by other coaches. He wouldn’t be making those teams without his head coach’s respect as a player. Coaches and players have different personalities and some players mesh with them better than others. My guess is he is riding your son hard because he feels he could be pushed to be a better player. This doesn’t mean coaches are perfect people. They can dwell on the negatives just like anyone else. Encourage your son to take a step back and look at the big picture. In the grand scheme of things soccer is just for his enjoyment. It will not pay his bills in life. Learning to get along with people who may not match your personality is definitely a valuable skill.
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Post by sbkicksfan on Mar 2, 2024 8:39:47 GMT -6
“ When he shared his thoughts the other day, he was down and confused, even after being named 1st team All-District, a goal he had this year after being 2nd Team last year and Freshman All-State.” My experience is if he made all those teams as a freshman and sophomore, then his coach likes him as a player. When all-district teams and other teams are chosen the head coach’s input is valued by other coaches. He wouldn’t be making those teams without his head coach’s respect as a player. Coaches and players have different personalities and some players mesh with them better than others. My guess is he is riding your son hard because he feels he could be pushed to be a better player. This doesn’t mean coaches are perfect people. They can dwell on the negatives just like anyone else. Encourage your son to take a step back and look at the big picture. In the grand scheme of things soccer is just for his enjoyment. It will not pay his bills in life. Learning to get along with people who may not match your personality is definitely a valuable skill. Those are great points. After I showed some of the feedback last night with him he said last night that he wants to talk to the coach and let him know that he wants to do whatever he needs to to be the best teammate and player in order to help them team get even better. He’s willing to learn and hear any constructive criticism that will help him do that. He likes his coach and doesn’t want to let him or the team down.
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Post by ScottGSB on Mar 3, 2024 19:23:41 GMT -6
So, I will offer a bit of a different perspective.
Like mentioned before if he is recognized for freshman all-state and all district, then coach is an advocate.
Feedback is a gift. Coaching players who don’t give a WHO DAT is hard. Coaching players with the talent, mental and physical tools, and ambition are the toughest. Most coaches feel the pressure to meet the needs of the person they are coaching.
Many coaches don’t invest the time to do all that is needed to get players to the next level. It sounds like this coach is giving him what he needs. How he is receiving it seems to be the issue.
I understand the mental toll of constant negative. But turning all feedback to a positive is a key component not only to HS Soccer, but College Soccer and adult life.
Focus on the positive results the coaching has given him as he continues to achieve his development goals!
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Post by sbkicksfan on Mar 4, 2024 0:50:11 GMT -6
So, I will offer a bit of a different perspective. Like mentioned before if he is recognized for freshman all-state and all district, then coach is an advocate. Feedback is a gift. Coaching players who don’t give a WHO DAT is hard. Coaching players with the talent, mental and physical tools, and ambition are the toughest. Most coaches feel the pressure to meet the needs of the person they are coaching. Many coaches don’t invest the time to do all that is needed to get players to the next level. It sounds like this coach is giving him what he needs. How he is receiving it seems to be the issue. I understand the mental toll of constant negative. But turning all feedback to a positive is a key component not only to HS Soccer, but College Soccer and adult life. Focus on the positive results the coaching has given him as he continues to achieve his development goals! Yes, he told me he wants to take the things he needs to work on and work hardest at being the best teammate he can be for the younger players coming up and help the coach succeed as much he can. We talked a while about the future of the program and he said he wants to leave a good foundation for players down the road. He also said he knows it’s hard and a challenge being a new coach in a young program and he doesn’t want to make it any harder, but rather be a positive influence on the players around him and be a player the coach can count on, even if it means being an example made.
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