Post by tigercub on Jun 23, 2006 14:46:12 GMT -6
Claudio Reyna's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
When Claudio Reyna has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.
Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Claudio Reyna can kill him and take it.
Claudio Reyna once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
Claudio Reyna doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
If you ask Claudio Reyna what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
Claudio Reyna only masturbates to pictures of Claudio Reyna.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Claudio Reyna instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
Claudio Reyna appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
Claudio Reyna lost his virginity before his dad did.
Since 1940, the year Claudio Reyna was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
Claudio Reyna sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Claudio roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Claudio Reyna brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Claudio Reyna roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Claudio Reyna giveth, and the good Claudio Reyna, he taketh away.
Claudio Reyna's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF Claudio Reyna!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't rodio with Claudio!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
Claudio Reyna does not sleep. He waits.
Claudio Reyna built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Claudio Reyna met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
Claudio Reyna is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Claudio Reyna. Claudio Reyna was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Claudio Reyna omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Claudio Reyna smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Claudio Reyna.
Claudio Reyna does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
There is no chin behind Claudio Reyna's beard. There is only another fist.
Claudio Reyna once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Claudio Reyna roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.
The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Claudio Reyna--more than meets the eye, Claudio Reyna--robot in disguise," and starred Claudio Reyna who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
The chief export of Claudio Reyna is pain.
Claudio Reyna is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
When Claudio Reyna plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
It was once believed that Claudio Reyna actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Claudio Reyna himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.
Claudio Reyna recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
Claudio Reyna used live ammunition during all shoot-outs. When a director once said he couldn't, he replied, "Of course I can, I'm Claudio Reyna," and roundhouse kicked him in the face.
If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Claudio Reyna.
If you can see Claudio Reyna, he can see you. If you can't see Claudio Reyna, you may be only seconds away from death.
On the 7th day, God rested.... Claudio Reyna took over.
When his martial arts prowess fails to resolve a situation, Claudio Reyna plays dead. When playing dead doesn't work, he plays zombie.
Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Claudio Reyna.
Scientists used to believe that diamond was the world's hardest substance. But then they met Claudio Reyna, who gave them a roundhouse kick to the face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure, that the scientists turned into artificial Claudio Reyna.
God offered Claudio Reyna the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for super strength roundhouse ability.
When Claudio Reyna was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a KFC.
Claudio Reyna drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.
A duck's quack does not echo. Claudio Reyna is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you, grimly.
Claudio Reyna once tried to defeat Garry Kasparov in a game of chess. When Claudio Reyna lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Kasparov in the side of the face.
Claudio Reyna's roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.
Claudio Reyna doesn't believe in Germany.
If you want a list of Claudio Reyna's enemies, just check the extinct species list.
Claudio Reyna has never blinked in his entire life. Never.
When Claudio Reyna's wife burned the turkey one thanksgiving, Claudio Reyna said, "don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Claudio Reyna."
Claudio Reyna once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
Claudio Reyna doesn't need to swallow when eating food.
If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Claudio Reyna.
Ironically, Claudio Reyna's hidden talent is invisibility.
Claudio Reyna eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and poos them out transformed into a robot.
Claudio Reyna owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly 'get out of jail free' card.
Claudio Reyna invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Claudio Reyna is kicking your ass, don't be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.
Claudio Reyna invented water.
Claudio Reyna went looking for a bar but couldn't find one. He walked to a vacant lot and sat there. Sure enough within an hour an a half someone constructed a bar around him. He then ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Claudio Reyna yelled over the roar of the flames, "always leave things the way you found em!"
One time while sparring with Wolverine, Claudio Reyna accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical term: Jupiter.
Contrary to popular belief, Claudio Reyna, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
Claudio Reyna is Luke Skywalker's real father.
Claudio Reyna does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.
Before science was invented it was once believed that autumn occurred when Claudio Reyna roundhouse kicked every tree in existence.
In the original pilot for Star Trek Next Generation, Claudio Reyna can be seen powering the USS Enterprise warp drive with his roundhouse kicks.
When Claudio Reyna has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.
Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Claudio Reyna can kill him and take it.
Claudio Reyna once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
Claudio Reyna doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
If you ask Claudio Reyna what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
Claudio Reyna only masturbates to pictures of Claudio Reyna.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Claudio Reyna instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
Claudio Reyna appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
Claudio Reyna lost his virginity before his dad did.
Since 1940, the year Claudio Reyna was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
Claudio Reyna sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Claudio roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Claudio Reyna brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Claudio Reyna roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Claudio Reyna giveth, and the good Claudio Reyna, he taketh away.
Claudio Reyna's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF Claudio Reyna!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't rodio with Claudio!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
Claudio Reyna does not sleep. He waits.
Claudio Reyna built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Claudio Reyna met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
Claudio Reyna is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Claudio Reyna. Claudio Reyna was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Claudio Reyna omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Claudio Reyna smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Claudio Reyna.
Claudio Reyna does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
There is no chin behind Claudio Reyna's beard. There is only another fist.
Claudio Reyna once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Claudio Reyna roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.
The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Claudio Reyna--more than meets the eye, Claudio Reyna--robot in disguise," and starred Claudio Reyna who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
The chief export of Claudio Reyna is pain.
Claudio Reyna is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
When Claudio Reyna plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
It was once believed that Claudio Reyna actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Claudio Reyna himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.
Claudio Reyna recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
Claudio Reyna used live ammunition during all shoot-outs. When a director once said he couldn't, he replied, "Of course I can, I'm Claudio Reyna," and roundhouse kicked him in the face.
If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Claudio Reyna.
If you can see Claudio Reyna, he can see you. If you can't see Claudio Reyna, you may be only seconds away from death.
On the 7th day, God rested.... Claudio Reyna took over.
When his martial arts prowess fails to resolve a situation, Claudio Reyna plays dead. When playing dead doesn't work, he plays zombie.
Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Claudio Reyna.
Scientists used to believe that diamond was the world's hardest substance. But then they met Claudio Reyna, who gave them a roundhouse kick to the face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure, that the scientists turned into artificial Claudio Reyna.
God offered Claudio Reyna the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for super strength roundhouse ability.
When Claudio Reyna was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a KFC.
Claudio Reyna drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.
A duck's quack does not echo. Claudio Reyna is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you, grimly.
Claudio Reyna once tried to defeat Garry Kasparov in a game of chess. When Claudio Reyna lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Kasparov in the side of the face.
Claudio Reyna's roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.
Claudio Reyna doesn't believe in Germany.
If you want a list of Claudio Reyna's enemies, just check the extinct species list.
Claudio Reyna has never blinked in his entire life. Never.
When Claudio Reyna's wife burned the turkey one thanksgiving, Claudio Reyna said, "don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Claudio Reyna."
Claudio Reyna once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
Claudio Reyna doesn't need to swallow when eating food.
If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Claudio Reyna.
Ironically, Claudio Reyna's hidden talent is invisibility.
Claudio Reyna eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and poos them out transformed into a robot.
Claudio Reyna owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly 'get out of jail free' card.
Claudio Reyna invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Claudio Reyna is kicking your ass, don't be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.
Claudio Reyna invented water.
Claudio Reyna went looking for a bar but couldn't find one. He walked to a vacant lot and sat there. Sure enough within an hour an a half someone constructed a bar around him. He then ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Claudio Reyna yelled over the roar of the flames, "always leave things the way you found em!"
One time while sparring with Wolverine, Claudio Reyna accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical term: Jupiter.
Contrary to popular belief, Claudio Reyna, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
Claudio Reyna is Luke Skywalker's real father.
Claudio Reyna does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.
Before science was invented it was once believed that autumn occurred when Claudio Reyna roundhouse kicked every tree in existence.
In the original pilot for Star Trek Next Generation, Claudio Reyna can be seen powering the USS Enterprise warp drive with his roundhouse kicks.
